I spent 25 years in dieting hell, struggling and warring with myself to overcome an eating disorder that no one realized I had.
No one realized because it’s not recognized as an eating disorder, even though it affects a substantial portion of the population.
I was struggling to overcome impulse eating, sugar addiction and the bastard voice in my head.
I lost count of the diets I’ve been on.
Everything from doctor prescribed diet pills, over the counter remedies, professional weight loss programs and any diet anyone was on who said they were having success.
I joined countless gyms, hired PT’s and bought or hired an endless array of exercise equipment.
I consulted with hypnotherapists, psychologists, nutritionists, body workers and even spiritual healers.
I studied nutrition, physiology, NLP, and read an endless variety of books on weight loss, mindset, psychology, neuro science, exercise and everything in between.
I felt powerless and desperate, and by the end, suicidal.
I felt totally useless and ashamed that I couldn’t control my eating behaviours and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get out of dieting hell.
BREAKING-FREE FROM DIETING HELL
But giving up was never an option, because to give up was to give in and live with feeling powerless and desperate and I would’ve rather perish than continue to live that way.
And I would have, but as it so often happens, when we never give up – when we persist in persevering, persist in persisting, the next helpful thing/information/person shows up and progress is made.
THANK YOU KATHLEEN NOONAN & LAURENCE GONZALES
In 2010 after reading a article by my favourite Brisbane columnist Kathleen Noonan, I bought a book by Laurence Gonzales; Deep Survival, a book about who lives and who dies and why.
And I realized I was a survivor, I had all the traits of a survivor.
And just that change in perspective was enough to turn the tide on the despair and depression.
And life shined a little brighter again and hope flourished and I climbed out of the hole.
I decided “screw this! I’m 45 years old, enough is enough! I’ve wasted enough of my life worrying about what other people think and being ashamed!
I’m fed up with feeling so hopeless and I’m fed up with restrictive diets and stupid exercise routines.
I’m fed up with spending all my time, energy and money on this shit, I hate it, I just want my freedom!
If I can’t be skinny, I’m going to be happy.
I actually know everything I need to know about being healthy.
This whole 25 year quest has taught me everything I need to be in control of my own life.
I’m just going to focus on doing what I want, when I want and having fun!”
I turned all my focus to being happy.
I changed the way I thought about everything.
I let go of controlling everything.
I stopped thinking about my body and weight and food and all of that and just taught myself to focus on life.
And all the things I was waiting to do when I was slim, I started doing them right then!
Life was no longer on hold, it was on a roll.
I made exercise fun and I only did the things I liked to do, when I wanted to do them.
I changed how I felt about food and decided I will never war with myself ever again.
I opened it up and allowed myself to enjoy food.
I ate what I wanted when I wanted then listened to how my body felt about that.
I paid attention to me, I listened to me!
Eventually and over time I deconstructed what I now call impulse eating and the bastard voice.
And I created strategies and interventions to circumvent that and the physical urges and sugar addiction and got a handle on that war inside myself
Over that year of 2011 I drew on all the knowledge I had acquired over the last 25 years from everything and everyone.
I turned that knowledge into skills and gradually integrated things into my day to day life.
That’s how I started that year of 2011, my program, my life, my way – that was my new years resolution.
By Christmas that year I was a totally transformed woman, I had had no idea my life and myself was going to change that much in just 12 months!
I was happy for the first time in forever!! Maybe ever!
AND I’d actually lost 20kg to boot!
I’ve spent the last 5 years deconstructing and refining what I did and I’ve been documenting what I was doing so I could continue to replicate it and live it.